With Easter approaching, the Martha Stewarts of this world are industriously posting menu ideas and table-setting tips. No surprises there, but the old eyebrow raised a touch at one website’s imperative, “Whether you're planning a brunch, late lunch, or early dinner, one thing's for sure: you must celebrate with cocktails that are just as festive as the food you’re making!” Now, we love a little pick-me-up as much (or more) than anyone, but an “Easter Bunny” (vodka, crème de cacao, cherry brandy and chocolate syrup) just doesn’t seem quite the thing to toast the Resurrected Christ.Nor does a Kiwi Cobbler (mint, kiwi, vanilla bean and tequila) call to mind the stone, rolled away from the door of the sepulchre.
But my wife tells me to lighten up, shake out some martinis, and stop grousing: It’s the 21st century, for chrissake, and there’s no fighting today's pervasive cross-marketing.Likewise, Jesus himself tells us to “resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” So why wait until Easter? Let’s all get a head start and celebrate Good Friday with the kind of custom cocktails that’ll leave you shouting, “TGIGF! TGIGF! TGIGF!”
So, Holy Highballs! It's time for the 2013 Edition
** Death in the Afternoon
A Good Friday
classic. The invention of this drink is sometimes
ascribed to Ernest Hemingway, but any chump who’s read scripture knows
better. Pour 2 ounces of absinthe into a
glass, then add chilled champagne until the mixture attains an opalescent
milkiness. Drink
responsibly: if the sky darkens, the earth quakes and the veil of the temple is
rent in twain, it’s probably time to stop.
** Bourbon
Lancer
A favorite at
the officer’s club. Mix 1 part
Bourbon with 3 parts champagne. Tap the
side of a nearby crucified messiah for a dash of blood and water (if no
crucified messiah is available, substitute Angostura bitters). Garnish with a lemon twist and serve on the
Rocks of Golgotha.
** Ecce Homo-jito
A showy drink. Bruise some mint with a cudgel; juice a lime
with a scourge. Add 1 tbsp sugar syrup and 3 oz. light
rum. Agitate with a dash of sparkling
water and display to your guests, pronouncing, “behold the cocktail!” Wash hands clean, preferably before the
multitude, when done.
** Noilly me Tanqueray
3 parts gin, one part vermouth. Shake vigorously, strain, and serve. Top-shelf liquor is essential to this drink,
otherwise the pun doesn’t work. Enthusiasts
agree that for refreshingly bracing cocktail goodness, “you can’t touch this.”
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** Entomb-mint Julep
Like a conventional mint julep, but with the
added funereal zest of myrrh and aloe. Muddle these spices along with a handful of mint. Integrate the muddle with shaved ice, and add a blend of
bourbon and simple syrup. Serve in a
silver cup (a grail, if available, though these can sometimes be hard to
locate). The Julep has its own rituals: at the first
sip, traditionalists like to say with satisfaction, “truly this was the King of
the Juleps.”
OMG! Make any of these super
cocktails extra DIVINE with a swizzle
from our custom line of bar accessories!
(pictured here: the "Arma Christi" set, with seven swizzle sticks and seven wine charms)
