Thirst After Righteousness! Good Friday Cocktails, the 2015 Edition

Thirst After Righteousness!
Good Friday Cocktails, the 2015 Edition

With Easter approaching, the Martha Stewarts of this world are industriously posting menu ideas and table-setting tips. No surprises there, but the old eyebrow raised a touch at one website’s imperative, “Whether you're planning a brunch, late lunch, or early dinner, one thing's for sure: you must celebrate with cocktails that are just as festive as the food you’re making!” Now, we love a little pick-me-up as much (or more) than anyone, but an “Easter Bunny” (vodka, crème de cacao, cherry brandy and chocolate syrup) just doesn’t seem quite the thing to toast the Resurrected Christ. Nor does a Kiwi Cobbler (mint, kiwi, vanilla bean and tequila) call to mind the stone, rolled away from the door of the sepulchre.

But my wife tells me to lighten up, shake out some martinis, and stop grousing: It’s 2012, for chrissake, and there’s no fighting today's pervasive cross-marketing.Likewise, Jesus himself tells us to “resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” So why wait until Easter? Let’s all get a head start and celebrate Good Friday with the kind of custom cocktails that’ll leave you shouting, “TGIGF! TGIGF! TGIGF!”

So for Lord's sake--chill the cocktail shaker, get out the monogrammed INRI highball glasses and try out this year's set of new recipes!  

Thirty Pieces of Silver

This is a contemptible drink, but one in twelve find it irresistible.  And if you need some bucking up as you prep for your first kiss, it’s sure to do the trick.  In a cocktail shaker, mix ten parts Patron Silver Label, ten parts Bacardi Silver, and ten parts Coors Silver Bullet.  Shake and serve in a pouch.  No returns.

Man(hattan) of Sorrows

An iconic Good Friday drink, the Man(hattan) of Sorrows is always helpful in focusing your meditations on the passion and suffering of Christ.  Start with whisky (we like to use Meet-your-Maker’s Mark or Crown-of-Thorns Royal).  Add a spongeful of sweet vermouth and shake a few dashes of blood from your stigmata.  If your stigmata aren’t flowing adequately, you may substitute angostura bitters.  Garnish with a cherry, stir with a lance and serve in whatever chalice you may have left in the kitchen from your last supper.  

Pietà Colada

Vesperbild meets blender-chilled in this poignantly tragic Caribbean refresher.  Pour one part rum, one part coconut cream and 2 parts pineapple juice into a blender with crushed ice.  Add a dash of mother’s milk, set blender to “crucify” and let the prophecy be fulfilled.  When the mix reaches a smooth consistency, pour into a chilled glass, garnish with passion fruit and cradle gently, weeping.  

Pontius Piledriver

The ‘prefect’ choice for your next toga party, this drink will make even the most cold-eyed pragmatist find his inner philosopher!  Mix one part vodka, one part dark rum, one part orange juice and one part cola.  Make sure to ask the guests if this is really what they want, then pour over ice, wash hands, and serve in a kylix.  After a couple of these you’ll all find yourselves asking “quid est veritas?”  

Corpse Reviver

This peppy pick-me-up is not actually a Good Friday drink, but is more appropriately served the morning after (or better yet, the morning after the morning after.)  Two parts cognac, one part calvados, one part sweet vermouth: shake and strain.  Some like to add a dash of absinthe for forgiveness.  Either way, there’s nothing quite so resurrecting as what our dyslexic friends like to call “the hair of the god.”

Still thirsty?  Check out the recipes from previous years.  

"OMG these drinks are divine!"