Another Round:
Good Friday Cocktails, 2014 Edition
With Easter approaching, the Martha Stewarts of this world are industriously posting menu ideas and table-setting tips. No surprises there, but the old eyebrow raised a touch at one website’s imperative, “Whether you're planning a brunch, late lunch, or early dinner, one thing's for sure: you must celebrate with cocktails that are just as festive as the food you’re making!” Now, we love a little pick-me-up as much (or more) than anyone, but an “Easter Bunny” (vodka, crème de cacao, cherry brandy and chocolate syrup) just doesn’t seem quite the thing to toast the Resurrected Christ. Nor does a Kiwi Cobbler (mint, kiwi, vanilla bean and tequila) call to mind the stone, rolled away from the door of the sepulchre.
But my wife tells me to lighten up, shake out some martinis, and stop grousing: It’s the 21st century, for chrissake, and there’s no fighting today's pervasive cross-marketing. Likewise, Jesus himself tells us to “resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” So why wait until Easter? Let’s all get a head start and celebrate Good Friday with the kind of custom cocktails that’ll leave you shouting, “TGIGF! TGIGF! TGIGF!”
So lift your grails high and toast the day with these trendy new cocktails from the 2014 Edition….
The Doubting Tom Collins
Stir together two ounces gin, one ounce simple syrup, one ounce lemon
juice and four ounces carbonated water.
Pour over ice, then look at it skeptically for a minute. Stick your fingers hesitantly into the glass
to make sure it’s good and cold, then serve.
The Rowdy Apostle
This drink is bound to be a hit with the righteous brawlers on your guest list. Start with Peter (3 oz Peter Heering cherry
liquer), add an ounce of tequila and a dash of hot sauce and shake it up. Cut off the ear of a nearby high priest’s servant
for garnish. If a high priest’s servant
is not readily available, you may substitute an ear-sized orange wedge. When parents serve these to their adult
children the latter get to say, with Christ-like gravity, “Am I not to drink the
cup my father has given me?”
The Cock's Crow
Mix three ounces Old Crow Bourbon and three
ounces Cock o’ the North Single Malt. Serve
on the rocks and garnish with a McNugget.
Keep the rounds coming until you are so far gone that you deny even
knowing your family and friends.
The Golgotha Gibson
A standard Good Friday choice (especially
since the release of the 2003 film “The Passion of the Christ.”) Mix three parts gin and one part vermouth. Garnish with a pickled onion and a crucifix
swizzle. While a conventional Gibson is
served neat, the Golgotha Gibson is best on the rocks, especially if you have a
set of these skull-shaped ice trays: http://www.geekalerts.com/the-chiller-3d-skull-ice-mold/
The Weeping Magdalene
Start with the ingredients for a French Whore
(2 parts vodka, one part Chambord, one part pineapple juice), shake penitentially with ice, strain, then overlay the fixings
for a Suffering Bastard (1 part bourbon, 1 part gin 1 part lime juice, 3 parts
ginger ale). Add dash after dash of
bitters and finish with a cascade of salt water teardrops. Drink a few of these and you'll be on your knees
sobbing, hugging the nearest steady object, be it the foot of the cross or the
base of the toilet bowl.
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